It is difficult to compete with Argentina in the department of breathless political drama. The latest involves Federal Judge Norberto Oyarbide, who reportedly holds court in a luxury spa and wears absurdly expensive jewelry while hearing some of the country’s highest-profile corruption cases.
This is him, as pictured in Perfil, wearing a ring supposedly worth US$250,000. La Nación broke the story with an anonymous, gossipy little blurb. He supposedly paid for the ring by swapping out his other jewelry, but several deputies are calling for an investigation. Oyarbide has been the lead on several sensitive investigations, perhaps the most interesting of which was the 2007 investigation into the Kirchners’ impressive and mysterious increase in net worth. (He cleared them of any wrongdoing.)
News magazine Noticias poured some more fuel on the fire with a piece lavishly describing His Honor’s luxury spa habits:
He takes off his white robe, revealing one of his greatest secrets: A sort of bat, tattooed high on his back, almost on the back of his neck. Norberto Oyarbide (59) dips his feet, little by little, into the imperial marble pool, adorned with white candles and Roman columns, surrounded by a group of friends he’s been making for the last four years. They are all naked. The federal judge makes constant jokes, and like a good social smoker, from time to time he lights up a Parliament at the edge of pool at the exclusive spa Colmegna, in downtown Buenos Aires.
Did I say fire? Yes, a flaming fire. A red-hot, flaming, fiery fire. Flaming. Because in case his Kurt Lagerfeld/Truman Capote fashion preferences didn’t tip you off that he was gay, the heavy breathing innuendo in this and other stories in the Argentine press must have:
After lunch, three times a week, the judge takes rejuvenating heat baths, capillary massages, and, finally, a skin cleansing. And afterwards, he takes his daily two-hour siesta in a soundproof VIP room: He is one of the few who have their “special nook,” earned after years and years of loyalty. At six in the afternoon, the round of champagne begins, and he confesses his preference for ”Chandon Extra Brut,” which costs 80 pesos (US$19) per bottle. And he likes to invite his inner circle. This is when his male partner arrives, a native – like him – of the Entre Ríos province, and barely more than 30 years old.
Sorry, hold on, my glasses just steamed up. Barely 30? Why, this judge is practically a pedophile! The thinly-veiled disgust raises an uncomfortable question: Yes, this scandal is hilarious, yes the judge seems to have an awful lot of money for being just a judge, yes he holds court at the spa, etc. etc.
But come on: In the annals of Argentine political corruption, a $250,000 ring is kind of a joke. Slow summer? Or would this be less fun if he were an average, straight father of four with a mistress to support?